Sir Baggins Ze-Bum-Bum left quickly and peacefully a couple of weeks ago, on 6th June. I miss the auld klepto but I'm happy for him, his body died almost exactly how I'd hoped it would when it eventually did, and he died quickly without much worry in his home wi his wummin.
I realised something was up in the late morning, but I wasnae too worried at that point as it looked like he had maybe sprained his elbow overdoing it the day before so I thought a rest day would hopefully dae the trick. It was a warm sunny day that Sunday so he was out lounging on the grass from about lunchtime while dad and I sheared the sheep folk and treated an (early, thankfully!) flystrike on Big Bad Wands. At about half six he was tired but saying hi to Mandy as she came in, but when we'd finished shearing at half eight dad found him shivering out on the grass, really cold, though he usually took himself to bed whenever he wanted a break from the sun or a heat up. We bundled up on the grass covered in blankets for a while and he loved that and cooried right in and we had big cuddles for about an hour, but I could feel something was really wrong by that point.
His stomach was still in charge though and he wolfed down two dinners wi some pain meds in case it was pain causing him to feel so rotten. That was about half ten and after I'd seen to the weans in the garden and the hoose dugs, I went back out and just after half one and I realised it was time for Baggins tae leave. When he arrived I said to him like I say to everyone else, I promise I'll listen when you tell me it's time. You can feel when someone has the spark, the will to fight, and when it's already left, and that's the hardest bit, well it is for me anyway, after that I just have to keep to my promise.
Billy Baggins battled through so much for pretty much his whole life far as I can tell and just kept going; starvation, loneliness, cold, nae bed, nae home, fear, violence, body and mind falling apart through lack of love, but he still kept that inner puppy warm and safe inside somewhere, ready to come back to life if he ever got the chance. Caz was his first wummin who brought his neglected battered falling apart body back to life and showed him love, and coming here to his home unleashed the real Baggins, the thieving clown big auld puppy that he really was. I can sum up Baggins in one look in my mind's eye; that look he gave me over his shoulder as he was about tae embark on some nonsense that he thought was hilarious and was usually inspired by his penchant for kleptomania. He'd battled his whole life pretty much, until Caz found him, and even then he had a battle to survive the toll of the lack of love and care, and he always had that fight in him, but I could tell he wasnae up for a fight any more.
I'd already called the vet and they'd said to take him in but I stopped and thought and tried to feel what was right for him, and called the vet back and asked them to come out and help him leave at home. I could have taken him to the surgery and they'd put him on a drip and pain relief, and do scans and aw sorts and of course I didnae want him to die but putting aw that aside I knew, I think you just do don't you?
We had about 20 minutes before Bruce arrived and it was getting light by that point, I love these light days, so we cooried in the gither in his bed and I blethered to him about some of our adventures I could remember and stroked his face. He was drifting in and out by this point I think, he was in multiple organ failure and brain shut down and he wasnae really responding to much, but he knew I was there and when he settled in to me he was much more calm. I'm so glad I decided what I did and that we had those 20 minutes, I'm so happy for him that of aw the ways a rickety auld body could give up it went in such a quick, here-and-then-not way, a slow deterioration is hard tae bear for everyone. Bruce and I chatted for a while and decided we knew what we needed to do for Baggins, and off my auld friend went on the path I cannae follow yet.
I was numb for a wee while there as there's so much going on and it was just a case of keeping going, but I'm feeling more content now. We leave the past at the gate, so as far as Baggins was concerned, life was good. Actually life was great! He was truly content, love had found him, and he set off to whatever comes next pretty much how he'd have chosen to I think. It'll never be the same around here without the big thieving clown but his antics are part of the woodwork and my memory bank and that of aw his pals now so he'll always be around.
Lots of love to you aw (especially his dodgy-as-feck legal defence team who kept the guilty free), I know how much Baggins meant to so many folk, and I'm sure he knew too, thank you so much for loving him so much, he'd wanted for love his whole life and then he knew aw the love in the world
'Ye know whit your problem is, Baggins? Ye think yer funny...'
Ebb and flow, we come and we go
Taking and leaving pieces of ourselves and each other.